Favorites: Thumbscrews

I've always liked Thumbscre.ws, but I laughed out loud at this. (Warning: Contains tampons.)

True Lemon

Ask anyone: I am so dehydrated I am barely human. I'm a husk. My skin peels off in layers. It's sexy.

I should be drinking more water, yes? But I hate drinking water. It doesn't taste like anything. Water bores me. I am too ADD for water. Sad but true.

And then ... and then.

I found True Lemon.

Bless you, True Lemon. You have no calories. You have no sweeteners. You are not giving me Nutrasweet tumors. You are simply citric acid in a tasty powder. You make boring water taste like boring water with lemon in it. And that's just enough to do the job.

Get a free sample here.

I thank you, True Lemon, from the bottom of my husk.

Britney Spears on Go Fug Yourself

I have always loved Go Fug Yourself, but Britney Spears' letters on there just. kill. me. The latest one in particular.

Flowers that don't die

I love these. When you are combining a super high-tech black/silver theater room with your dining area, it is awesome to find high-tech flowers for said dining area.

They're on their way to my house right now. Happy Valentine's Day to MEEEE!

Awesome songs

In no particular order. Just stuff I've been listening to lately. If you've got Napster (or illegal sources), load it up!

Shelter, by Ray LaMontagne
This song is just damn sexy.
FAVORITE LINE: "I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken/
Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you"

Change, by Tracy Chapman
I kind of just want to cry when I hear it, which is weird--I doubt that's what she intended. Seriously, what the hell WILL it take for me to start picking my socks up off the floor?

Mushaboom, by Feist
I am really liking Secret Heart and Let It Die as well.

Just a Ride, by Jem
Great song when you're getting way too serious about life. It's just a ride, baby.

Do You Remember, by Jack Johnson
Actually, I like EVERYTHING Jack Johnson does. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing is another favorite, and I love No Other Way.

Grace Under Pressure, by Elbow
Graaaaaaaaace under preeeeeeesssuuuuure. This song gets pretty weird at the end. Love it all the same.

Resistance Song, by Jill Sobule
This is just fun. And wacked.
FAVORITE LINE: "You were my mistress--yes you were a woman/but I knew it was you by the shape of your mouth."

Lift Me Up, by Moby
Marry me, Moby. Eminem is just jealous.

Kill, by Jimmy Eat World
My God. I CANNOT stop listening to this. It's sick. I don't even know why I like it so much. It's about love that he wishes he didn't feel. I can't even IDENTIFY with that, yet I can't stop listening! And he's all "I need answers for what all the waiting after means," and I'm like yes! We need answers! We totally do! And then he's all "I can't help it baby, this is who I am, I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel," and I'm all, yeah, baby, he can't help it! So find the answers! What the hell is wrong with me.
FAVORITE LINE: ALL OF THEM. THIS SONG IS HEROIN.

Pink and Black, by Tyler Hilton
This one always makes me feel good. I love you lightheartedness. I also like When the Stars Go Blue, which is more serious, but beautiful.
FAVORITE LINE: Every time his voice sings along with the little da-da-da-da-da. That sounds stupid, but you'll know what I mean--he actually just sings "da-da-da-da-da" one time to highlight what I'm talking about.

Are You Happy Now, by Richard Shindell
Great song that gets points for being the only Hallowen breakup song I know of.
FAVORITE LINE: "I was amazed to think that you/would take the candy with you too." But came out gray is really red? What was gray? WHAT, Richard?

White Houses, by Vanessa Carlton
A Thousand Miles be damned. This is a great song. Where's the airplay, Vanessa? Where is it? Why doesn't the radio like you anymore? I also like The Wreckage. That Vanessa. One talented em-effer.
FAVORITE LINES: The dirty ones.

It's You, by Michelle Branch
I typically hate Michelle Branch. I hate her. I hate everything she does. Except this song.

Blackbird, by Sarah McLachlan
I like a lot of her stuff, but I find this one particularly nice.

The Headphonist, by Kinky (the version with the Cake lead singer)
This has the best intro beat of any song I've ever heard. I used to walk down the halls of my giant corporation to this song. With my headphones on. Just like in the song. Whoa!

Jingle Jangle, by Hot Hot Heat
Hot Hot Heat takes some getting used to. Now that I adore them, I also love Elevator and Goodnight.

I Can't Make Me, by Butterfly Boucher
I listen to this song all the time just so I can hear her say whoooooooOOOOOOOHHHHohhhoooah and then get that little rock beat afterward.

Plane, by Jason Mraz
He's all "baby hell yeah" and I'm all, "Jason, baby hell yeah, you're not really that hot but I would still have sex with you because you sing this song." I also like Wordplay and Life Is Wonderful.

Desire, by Ryan Adams
Sexy, sexy song.

More generically, I will also listen to anything on the Garden State soundtrack and anything by David Gray.

Did I mention Kill by Jimmy Eat World? Will someone take that song away from me already?

I love Bad News Hughes

Bad News Hughes's account of his family's Christmas festivities.

Oh, man. This was pretty funny, and then I hit the part where his dad tries on the children's Batman costume, and is running around in his whitey-tighties and silver leggings, and then I just totally lost it.

If you think you have a dysfunctional family, this is sure to make you feel better.

Trogging

There are two good things about trogging (trampoline jogging, and yes, I made that word up): first, it gets you in shape. Second, it sounds like something naked British people would do together. So that's awesome.

Also awesome is the fact that it's easy to do in front of the TV. I used to have a rule that I couldn't watch anything from Netflix unless I was trogging. It worked; I was a total fox and everyone wanted to have sex with me. Then we moved the TV downstairs (which has too low a ceiling for trogging) and I got squishy again.

Trogging is good for those who would like to be joggers, but have joint problems or just hate the sound of their feet slapping on the pavement (that's me--the sound makes me feel tired, and I just find the jarring sensation annoying). Trogging is a lot kinder to the feet and joints, though I suppose it's not a good idea if you have severe ankle or knee problems, especially since your ankles keep you stabilized and in the upright position (as in ice skating, weak ankles can be bad in trogging). The trampoline is bouncy, of course, in a way that sidewalks and treadmills aren't, and for that reason I find trogging to be much more pleasant and safe than its more natural alternative.

It doesn't take much to get started, either. Trampoline, running shoes, and a sports bra are really all you need (sports bra optional for men).

There are two steps to trogging:
1. Get one of these or something like it.*
2. Trog.

It's easy to cheat. It's easy to just kind of barely move your feet in a manner that means it will take you ten hours to burn four calories. I make sure I've got good, fast music on, and I make sure I'm jogging to the beat to avoid cheating. I do that for half an hour. Or I watch something long (like a Netflix movie) and then it doesn't matter if I'm cheating--I just keep on keepin' on until I about fall off the trampoline.

If you enjoy feeling as if you are going to die, you can try trogging with high knees for a while. I usually do this for about thirty seconds before my abdomen is on fire. The game, then, is to do high knees every time I hit a refrain. So when Ashlee Simpson** is all "Whatcha been doin, whatcha been doin," I take it easy. Then when she's suddenly like "Heyhowlongtilthemusicdrownsyououtdon'tputwordsupinmymouthIdidn'tstealyourboyfriend" then I gotta hit it with the high knees. And it hurts. But ... it's GOOD.

Other trogging options: bouncing without bending knees (for calves), jumping jacks, hit-your-butt-with-your-own-heels, and so on. It's surprising how tiring one activity will be for your abs, another for your calves, etc. Experiment. Then enjoy your hotness.
---------
*Some of these trampolines are really expensive, which I find kind of ridiculous. These days an "urban rebounder" (uh, little trampoline, in other words) can cost upward of $250. Honestly, I think my trampoline was $12 on sale. It may not be a 40" ... may be a little smaller ... but it really doesn't matter. It works fine.
**Yes, I listen to Ashlee Simpson while exercising. And Britney Spears. And Justin Timberlake. And Hilary Duff. There's just something about much-hated pop music that keeps the feet going. But I don't just listen to teen queens--Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" is a great exercise song.