favorites

Favorites: Thumbscrews

2006-04-28T13:25:00.000-07:00

I've always liked Thumbscre.ws, but I laughed out loud at this. (Warning: Contains tampons.)

True Lemon

2006-02-14T16:36:00.000-08:00

Ask anyone: I am so dehydrated I am barely human. I'm a husk. My skin peels off in layers. It's sexy.

I should be drinking more water, yes? But I hate drinking water. It doesn't taste like anything. Water bores me. I am too ADD for water. Sad but true.

And then ... and then.

I found True Lemon.

Bless you, True Lemon. You have no calories. You have no sweeteners. You are not giving me Nutrasweet tumors. You are simply citric acid in a tasty powder. You make boring water taste like boring water with lemon in it. And that's just enough to do the job.

Get a free sample here.

I thank you, True Lemon, from the bottom of my husk.

Britney Spears on Go Fug Yourself

2006-02-08T20:07:00.000-08:00

I have always loved Go Fug Yourself, but Britney Spears' letters on there just. kill. me. The latest one in particular.

Flowers that don't die

2006-02-02T00:56:00.000-08:00

I love these. When you are combining a super high-tech black/silver theater room with your dining area, it is awesome to find high-tech flowers for said dining area.

They're on their way to my house right now. Happy Valentine's Day to MEEEE!

Awesome songs

2006-01-25T16:37:00.000-08:00

In no particular order. Just stuff I've been listening to lately. If you've got Napster (or illegal sources), load it up!

Shelter, by Ray LaMontagne
This song is just damn sexy.
FAVORITE LINE: "I left you heartbroken, but not until those very words were spoken/
Has anybody ever made such a fool out of you"

Change, by Tracy Chapman
I kind of just want to cry when I hear it, which is weird--I doubt that's what she intended. Seriously, what the hell WILL it take for me to start picking my socks up off the floor?

Mushaboom, by Feist
I am really liking Secret Heart and Let It Die as well.

Just a Ride, by Jem
Great song when you're getting way too serious about life. It's just a ride, baby.

Do You Remember, by Jack Johnson
Actually, I like EVERYTHING Jack Johnson does. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing is another favorite, and I love No Other Way.

Grace Under Pressure, by Elbow
Graaaaaaaaace under preeeeeeesssuuuuure. This song gets pretty weird at the end. Love it all the same.

Resistance Song, by Jill Sobule
This is just fun. And wacked.
FAVORITE LINE: "You were my mistress--yes you were a woman/but I knew it was you by the shape of your mouth."

Lift Me Up, by Moby
Marry me, Moby. Eminem is just jealous.

Kill, by Jimmy Eat World
My God. I CANNOT stop listening to this. It's sick. I don't even know why I like it so much. It's about love that he wishes he didn't feel. I can't even IDENTIFY with that, yet I can't stop listening! And he's all "I need answers for what all the waiting after means," and I'm like yes! We need answers! We totally do! And then he's all "I can't help it baby, this is who I am, I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel," and I'm all, yeah, baby, he can't help it! So find the answers! What the hell is wrong with me.
FAVORITE LINE: ALL OF THEM. THIS SONG IS HEROIN.

Pink and Black, by Tyler Hilton
This one always makes me feel good. I love you lightheartedness. I also like When the Stars Go Blue, which is more serious, but beautiful.
FAVORITE LINE: Every time his voice sings along with the little da-da-da-da-da. That sounds stupid, but you'll know what I mean--he actually just sings "da-da-da-da-da" one time to highlight what I'm talking about.

Are You Happy Now, by Richard Shindell
Great song that gets points for being the only Hallowen breakup song I know of.
FAVORITE LINE: "I was amazed to think that you/would take the candy with you too." But came out gray is really red? What was gray? WHAT, Richard?

White Houses, by Vanessa Carlton
A Thousand Miles be damned. This is a great song. Where's the airplay, Vanessa? Where is it? Why doesn't the radio like you anymore? I also like The Wreckage. That Vanessa. One talented em-effer.
FAVORITE LINES: The dirty ones.

It's You, by Michelle Branch
I typically hate Michelle Branch. I hate her. I hate everything she does. Except this song.

Blackbird, by Sarah McLachlan
I like a lot of her stuff, but I find this one particularly nice.

The Headphonist, by Kinky (the version with the Cake lead singer)
This has the best intro beat of any song I've ever heard. I used to walk down the halls of my giant corporation to this song. With my headphones on. Just like in the song. Whoa!

Jingle Jangle, by Hot Hot Heat
Hot Hot Heat takes some getting used to. Now that I adore them, I also love Elevator and Goodnight.

I Can't Make Me, by Butterfly Boucher
I listen to this song all the time just so I can hear her say whoooooooOOOOOOOHHHHohhhoooah and then get that little rock beat afterward.

Plane, by Jason Mraz
He's all "baby hell yeah" and I'm all, "Jason, baby hell yeah, you're not really that hot but I would still have sex with you because you sing this song." I also like Wordplay and Life Is Wonderful.

Desire, by Ryan Adams
Sexy, sexy song.

More generically, I will also listen to anything on the Garden State soundtrack and anything by David Gray.

Did I mention Kill by Jimmy Eat World? Will someone take that song away from me already?

I love Bad News Hughes

2006-01-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

Bad News Hughes's account of his family's Christmas festivities.

Oh, man. This was pretty funny, and then I hit the part where his dad tries on the children's Batman costume, and is running around in his whitey-tighties and silver leggings, and then I just totally lost it.

If you think you have a dysfunctional family, this is sure to make you feel better.

Trogging

2005-12-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

There are two good things about trogging (trampoline jogging, and yes, I made that word up): first, it gets you in shape. Second, it sounds like something naked British people would do together. So that's awesome.

Also awesome is the fact that it's easy to do in front of the TV. I used to have a rule that I couldn't watch anything from Netflix unless I was trogging. It worked; I was a total fox and everyone wanted to have sex with me. Then we moved the TV downstairs (which has too low a ceiling for trogging) and I got squishy again.

Trogging is good for those who would like to be joggers, but have joint problems or just hate the sound of their feet slapping on the pavement (that's me--the sound makes me feel tired, and I just find the jarring sensation annoying). Trogging is a lot kinder to the feet and joints, though I suppose it's not a good idea if you have severe ankle or knee problems, especially since your ankles keep you stabilized and in the upright position (as in ice skating, weak ankles can be bad in trogging). The trampoline is bouncy, of course, in a way that sidewalks and treadmills aren't, and for that reason I find trogging to be much more pleasant and safe than its more natural alternative.

It doesn't take much to get started, either. Trampoline, running shoes, and a sports bra are really all you need (sports bra optional for men).

There are two steps to trogging:
1. Get one of these or something like it.*
2. Trog.

It's easy to cheat. It's easy to just kind of barely move your feet in a manner that means it will take you ten hours to burn four calories. I make sure I've got good, fast music on, and I make sure I'm jogging to the beat to avoid cheating. I do that for half an hour. Or I watch something long (like a Netflix movie) and then it doesn't matter if I'm cheating--I just keep on keepin' on until I about fall off the trampoline.

If you enjoy feeling as if you are going to die, you can try trogging with high knees for a while. I usually do this for about thirty seconds before my abdomen is on fire. The game, then, is to do high knees every time I hit a refrain. So when Ashlee Simpson** is all "Whatcha been doin, whatcha been doin," I take it easy. Then when she's suddenly like "Heyhowlongtilthemusicdrownsyououtdon'tputwordsupinmymouthIdidn'tstealyourboyfriend" then I gotta hit it with the high knees. And it hurts. But ... it's GOOD.

Other trogging options: bouncing without bending knees (for calves), jumping jacks, hit-your-butt-with-your-own-heels, and so on. It's surprising how tiring one activity will be for your abs, another for your calves, etc. Experiment. Then enjoy your hotness.
---------
*Some of these trampolines are really expensive, which I find kind of ridiculous. These days an "urban rebounder" (uh, little trampoline, in other words) can cost upward of $250. Honestly, I think my trampoline was $12 on sale. It may not be a 40" ... may be a little smaller ... but it really doesn't matter. It works fine.
**Yes, I listen to Ashlee Simpson while exercising. And Britney Spears. And Justin Timberlake. And Hilary Duff. There's just something about much-hated pop music that keeps the feet going. But I don't just listen to teen queens--Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" is a great exercise song.

The folk archive at 3Hive

2005-12-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

I love 3hive.com. Free music. Free WEIRD music. And I like free weird music.

I spend most of my time in the folk archive. Right now, I can't stop listening to Ian Love's "The Only Night." (Available for free download on 3hive.) It's a beautiful song, and proof that just because it ain't on the radio, that doesn't mean it ain't good.

Little Wishes

2005-12-04T23:54:00.000-08:00

This is a great way to do something special for a needy child this holiday season. I think this site is awesome--it's so easy to give.

(I originally found this over at Cubbiegirl's. Cubbiegirl foster-adopted a nine-year-old and knows firsthand how little these kids get for Christmas.)

It's so hard for me to look at these wishes and know that I'm only going to be able to grant one or two of them. If you can, please help.

Mortal Kombat video

2005-12-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Click to view a homemade Mortal Kombat Theme video in a new window.

I'm not saying this is hilarious all the way through, or that it doesn't have its weak moments, but I applaud any two young men who take the time to choreograph their own Mortal Kombat video, complete with bitten-off heads and the lightning ray. Come on, you gotta respect that, even if the part where the guy is just moving his tongue back and forth is a little odd. Still, how can you not laugh at their version of Sonja?

This is one of those times where I out myself as being A) kind of a geek and B) about nine years past my teenaged prime. But I admit it: not only did this video make me laugh, I also fondly remember Sonja and the gang. My friends and I used to play Mortal Kombat all the time in high school.

My favorite move was where that one guy would throw out a fish hook, spear the other person, and drag them over to him, saying "GET OVER HERE!" in a very authoritative, I've-got-a-fish-hook-in-you-so-you-better-listen voice. Then ... when the victim was dragged as close as possible ... then came the upper cut.

This is proof that older people (yes, even at 25 I am an older person, especially when it comes to video games) just naturally like to talk about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket. Here I sit, grouching about how games like GTA are totally screwing kids up (although GTA is a great adult game--I just think the ratings system should be USED by parents), and then I remember that I used to stick fish hooks in people on a daily basis at the age of fourteen.

All the goats I've known before ...

2005-11-22T16:31:00.000-08:00

Were exactly like this. This column made me laugh and laugh, and now I read it when I need cheering up.

"I could chew it until you yanked it out of my mouth. If you don't mind."

Mr. Schnozz

2005-11-21T21:42:00.000-08:00

Mr. Schnozz is my favorite, always, but the reason he is a favorite today is that I found leftover sub sandwiches in the fridge tonight ... with the tomatoes and lettuce removed and STORED SEPARATELY in a stunning sogginess-elimination strategy.

He loves me too much to make me eat bread gel. Can you say the same about the people in your life?

Huh? What do you mean, you've never thought about it?

I love you, Mr. Schnozz. Who knew I would marry a hot, macho Martha Stewart?

Oil makes the best face wash (no, really)

2005-11-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

I love the Internet for many many reasons. Right now, I love the Internet because it prevents breakouts. Well, indirectly, anyway.

I recently read about a skin-care regimen that involved only castor oil, olive oil, and water. Yes, you spread oil all over your face. Yes, I realize this seems completely insane: "My pores are clogged. Perhaps I should pour oil into them, slathering my skin with grease and then rubbing it in." Amazingly, it works. And by "it works," I mean my skin looks better than it has in a very, very long time. Oil is, it turns out, a remarkable deep cleanser when used properly. (If you would like to view the wondrous results of this method, you can check out my brand-new, ridiculously awesome, nonairbrushed complexion in the Marine Ball set of photos on Flickr. If you've never seen me before, you may not realize what a 180-degree difference is showing in these photos, but just trust me--my skin looks a hundred times better in these photos than it has for years.)

Here's what I do: When I want to wash my face (usually upon waking or before bed, but whenever is fine), I generously spread castor oil on the acne-prone or broken-out parts with my fingers, rubbing it in really, really well. Then I do the same to the rest of my face, only I use extra virgin olive oil instead. (And I use a cotton ball with the olive oil, because it's a lot runnier than castor oil and I don't want to get it all over everything. Oil does NOT come out of clothing, so be careful.)

When it's all rubbed in, I pour hot water over a washcloth (try to keep these fresh, and your towels fresh, as it will cut down on the yesterday's dirt getting into your pores via the terrycloth), wring it out, and lay it on my face for steam. When the washcloth cools, I repeat the steaming step once or twice. The original directions told me to relax and enjoy the steam, so you can do that. But what I usually do is stand there impatiently, hands on the sink edge, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, as if I have to pee really badly. So if you're looking to imitate me exactly in an effort to duplicate my excellent results, now you know what to do.

Then I use hot water and a washcloth to wipe the oil away (it comes off easily, which may surprise you). Once the oil is gone, I splash cold water on my face to close my pores.

Once my face is try, I rub the teeny-tiniest drop of olive oil between my palms and pat it on to keep my skin from drying out. I rub it in a little, then blot with a tissue if necessary. I have really dry skin, so I need this step, but some people will probably look better if they skip it.

SO:
1. Lots of castor oil on acne-prone and broken out parts; rub in well.
2. Lots of olive oil on the rest of the face; rub in well.
3. Steam face for a moment using draped hot washcloth; repeat once or twice.
4. Wipe off oil with hot washcloth.
5. Rinse face with cold water.
6. Pat tiny amount of olive oil back onto face, if needed for moisture.

The castor/olive oil method is the ONLY cleaning method I use on my skin, and the only moisturizer. I don't use any other face washes or moisturizing products. (At first I did the oil method before bed and used face wash in the morning, but ... well, the oil method is just better, so I started doing it twice a day as my only face wash.) I've been doing it for a couple of weeks now. It takes five or ten minutes, so it takes longer than what I've done in the past, but it works a million times better.

I know it sounds bizarre. I was afraid to try it at first, convinced it was some practical joke, and I would wake up with horrible lumpy superzits covering my ENTIRE BODY. But my skin is clear, I don't have dry spots, I get no oily shine on my face all day (when I used face washes and moisturizers, you could see your reflection in my forehead by noon, yet my face was really dry in other places), and makeup goes on really nicely on your skin when you use this method in the morning. The improvement in my skin was IMMEDIATE, but over time the improvement is even more marked, as the castor oil will gradually improve blackheads. Even the blackhead you've had for ten years. You know, the one you named Earl because it wouldn't go away so you figured you might as well make friends with it.

It works. True story.

(This method was originally discussed by Jo at Leery Polyp and on the Long Hair Forum.)